Cutting Parmigiano Reggiano.

So for those (all two) of you who don't know, I'm a cheesemonger by trade. It's pretty much the bee's knees (as you can imagine) but it's also really hard work. Really. One of the most difficult tasks (it almost boarders on a liability) is the cutting of Parmigiano Reggiano.

Dubbed "the king of the cheeses," true Italian parmesan is a force to be reckoned with. It can only be made in a precise "zona typica" in central Italy between the 1st of April and the 11th of November. There, in 650 small factories called "casellos," skilled cheesemakers use a traditional method that has changed little since the 13th century to produce between 4 to 10 80 pound wheels of Reggiano per day per casello. Only the raw milk of cows which feed solely on fresh grass, hay, and alfalfa can be used.

After 12 months in an aging room a master grader inspects each and every wheel of Reggiano using only a hammer and his ear. By tapping the cheese at various points he can correctly identify cracks and voids within the wheel. Only those parmesans which pass this strict inspection can be stamped with the name "Parmigiano Reggiano." The best wheels never leave Italy.

So this morning I had to cut one of these beasts. Our cheese shop goes through a wheel about every three days. I mentioned it weighs 80 pounds, right? This is how we cut it.

You start by hoisting your Reggiano onto your cutting platform. This is a draining task in and of itself but remember pilgrem, you're just getting started. Note the assortment of badass looking knifes to the right of the wheel. Just wait till you see the double handled knife that is at this moment heating up on the heat sealer. More heat = an easier cut!

The first thing you do is score the cheese.

Then you plunge the most dagger-like of your badassed knives into the very heart of the Reggiano. Just like Van Helsing.

You then take the knife which has a slightly thicker blade and wedge it in the corner of the cheese, working it back and forth along your score. Things have stopped being polite and started getting real.

The cheese will eventually give up the ghost and split of its own accord, in its own time. Think about it: That golden interior has not seen the light of day for at least 18 months. Pay your respects. Then pop a little in your mouth.

Remember that double handled knife I mentioned eariler? Well hopefully it's nice 'n hot by now because it's all hack and slash from here on out. First you cut the half in half. Like P. P. Arnold said the first cut is the deepest. Then you cut the half of the half in half. What you're going for here is a good cheese to rind ratio.

Then you cut some big wedges. It is impossible to keep from snacking at this point.

Then you cut the big wedges down into manageable pieces. Note the cheese to rind ratio.

In the end, you will have a beautiful piece of Parmigiano Reggiano. PS I wasn't closing my eyes the whole time. That was just bad flash-timing.