Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
The Day I Almost Saw Obama.
Started off like any other day. And by "any other" I mean I spent the morning cutting hundreds of pounds of cheese into tiny pieces and I spent the afternoon getting my cranial sacral fluids manipulated by a nice German lady.
As I was leaving Bettina's office in Union Square last Thursday I noticed hundreds (perhaps thousands, I have no idea on how to gauge crowds) of people holding signs and waiting politely outside the Weston St. Francis. I asked a bystander what all the hubbub was about and he said (incredulously) "The President's gonna be here tonight!"
Well, I didn't really have a lot to say to Obama (but get back to me in a few months if he hasn't gotten around to ending those two wars and working on LGBT rights) but I would love a chance to see the guy in person so I set up shop behind a bank of television reporters and their respective cameramen.
I called my brother to pass the time and told him I had a "clear shot" of the entrance to the hotel. I was referencing my camera phone but immediatly realized this was a poor choice of words, and abruptly ended the conversation.
Helicopters were circling overhead and various sirens were heard, all titillating the crowd into thinking the arrival was immanent. This reached a fever pitch when the police (who all looked as confused as the crowd) blocked off Powell Street. This was the moment! The motorcade was about to arrive!!! But. . . nothing happened. I continued to wait. It wasn't until a tranny in oversized sunglasses and sauntering up Post declared to the world "He already in tha building, y'all!" that I gave up hope, hopped on my bike, and sped off into the gathering twilight. I knew this would be the closest I would ever come to seeing Obama.
As I was leaving Bettina's office in Union Square last Thursday I noticed hundreds (perhaps thousands, I have no idea on how to gauge crowds) of people holding signs and waiting politely outside the Weston St. Francis. I asked a bystander what all the hubbub was about and he said (incredulously) "The President's gonna be here tonight!"
Well, I didn't really have a lot to say to Obama (but get back to me in a few months if he hasn't gotten around to ending those two wars and working on LGBT rights) but I would love a chance to see the guy in person so I set up shop behind a bank of television reporters and their respective cameramen.
This turned out to be the most fascinating part of the entire evening. The police eventually shooed me to the curb and put up a barrier but not before I overheard the gossip straight from the reporters mouths. Some fragments: ". . . giving a fundraiser this evening. . . $30,000 a head. . . don't know the exact location of the President at this moment but he is schedualed to speak at 7. . . probably will not be arriving at the front door of the hotel, but in a side alley. . . get me a sammie, will 'ya?"
I called my brother to pass the time and told him I had a "clear shot" of the entrance to the hotel. I was referencing my camera phone but immediatly realized this was a poor choice of words, and abruptly ended the conversation.
Helicopters were circling overhead and various sirens were heard, all titillating the crowd into thinking the arrival was immanent. This reached a fever pitch when the police (who all looked as confused as the crowd) blocked off Powell Street. This was the moment! The motorcade was about to arrive!!! But. . . nothing happened. I continued to wait. It wasn't until a tranny in oversized sunglasses and sauntering up Post declared to the world "He already in tha building, y'all!" that I gave up hope, hopped on my bike, and sped off into the gathering twilight. I knew this would be the closest I would ever come to seeing Obama.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Holy Shit! Children's Game Shows of the late 80's.
But if you were a cool kid, you watched MTV, not Nickelodeon. . .
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
And speaking of Glenn Beck. . .
This is kinda amazing/terrifying.
And I just noticed the Gillette ad at the bottom of the screen! WTholymotherofF?!?
And I just noticed the Gillette ad at the bottom of the screen! WTholymotherofF?!?
Monday, October 5, 2009
The Kindness of Strangers.
It has been too long since I have written you, my two faithful Nackebuhs readers. But an amazing thing happened to me this evening, so amazing that I had to break my month and 1/2 of silence and alert the both of you to it.
I had stopped into my local Walgreens because I needed a new Gillette (1) Sensor razor handle. I was fed up with my Rainbow bought razor (2) and had recently discovered a dusty old container of Gillette Sensor cartrages (3) left over from my college days in the bottom of my beauty chest (4). So, I was in the shaving aisle of the Walgreens and saw that the only Gillette razors for sale were the Sensor Excel Mach 3 Fusions. Where the hell had all of these adjectives come from?!? All I wanted was a simple Sensor handle and I could be on my merry way (5).
I was grumbling to myself about the state of the modern day razor market when a lady with no front teeth and clutching a small white dog approahed me. "Couldn't help but notice your dismay at the razors, honey," she said.
Footnotes:
(1) The spellcheck on my computer didn't recognize "Walgreens" but it did recognize "Gillette." Some lobbiests have been busy somewhere!
(2) There are some things that should always be bought at health food stores (bulk grains, organic produce, tofu, ect.) but there are some things that should always, ALWAYS be avoided (toilet paper, condoms, and razors).
(3)
Addendum: Do really need a new razor design? Shown below for your consideration is the complete evolution of the Gillette Sensor line. At the far left is the simple, humble, and effective Gillette Sensor. This is the Holy Grail of razors. Never before and never again. Next in line is the Gillette Sensor Excel. A B- in my opinion, prone to sudden breakage. Then on to the various Machs and Fusions until we arrive at the Gillette Sensor Excel Mach 3 Fusion at the far right (along with Glenn Beck), a perversion in chrome and orange of all that is right and good about this world.
I had stopped into my local Walgreens because I needed a new Gillette (1) Sensor razor handle. I was fed up with my Rainbow bought razor (2) and had recently discovered a dusty old container of Gillette Sensor cartrages (3) left over from my college days in the bottom of my beauty chest (4). So, I was in the shaving aisle of the Walgreens and saw that the only Gillette razors for sale were the Sensor Excel Mach 3 Fusions. Where the hell had all of these adjectives come from?!? All I wanted was a simple Sensor handle and I could be on my merry way (5).
I was grumbling to myself about the state of the modern day razor market when a lady with no front teeth and clutching a small white dog approahed me. "Couldn't help but notice your dismay at the razors, honey," she said.
"Yeah," I sighed, glad to have been noticed by somebody. "All I want was a Gillette Sensor but all they have here are these Excel Mach 3 Fusions. Things have changed. . . " I actually trailed off.
The lady studied the display for a moment and said "I live right down the street, and think I might have exactly what you need. (6) I'll be right back." She hustled to the exit. I stood there dumbfounded. "You know that lady?" a nearby worker asked me. "No, do you?" I asked the worker. He shook his head side to side. Slowly.
While I waited for her to return I thumbed through the greeting cards (7). Would she find an old Sensor handle, and if she did was I in her debt? What would she expect in return? I almost bolted for the door but something stronger then fear kept me there. Something called curiosity or despiration, I couldn't tell which.
As I was opening and closing an interactive card with a pop-up graveyard on the inside I heard a commotion at the front of the store. "Hey fella! Fella? Where is that fella?" I walked towards the source of the shouts and there she was, no teeth and white dog and all. In her free hand she held five razor handles. "Now these two I still use," she said, motioning towards some pink Schick handles (8), but these other three are just takin up space."
And there it was. A vintage Gillette Sensor razor handle! My heart skipped a beat.
"Can I have this one?" I asked her. "Sure, sure!" she answered.
I gingerly took the razor handle from her hand, expecting her to demand something of me. But she simply nodded and walked away. She didn't even give me time to thank her.
Well, if you are out there tonight somehow reading this; "Thank you lady with the Gillette Sensor handle. You've reaffirmed my faith in all that is right and good about this world. But I am still bleaching the hell out of that dusty old handle before it gets anywhere near my face."
The lady studied the display for a moment and said "I live right down the street, and think I might have exactly what you need. (6) I'll be right back." She hustled to the exit. I stood there dumbfounded. "You know that lady?" a nearby worker asked me. "No, do you?" I asked the worker. He shook his head side to side. Slowly.
While I waited for her to return I thumbed through the greeting cards (7). Would she find an old Sensor handle, and if she did was I in her debt? What would she expect in return? I almost bolted for the door but something stronger then fear kept me there. Something called curiosity or despiration, I couldn't tell which.
As I was opening and closing an interactive card with a pop-up graveyard on the inside I heard a commotion at the front of the store. "Hey fella! Fella? Where is that fella?" I walked towards the source of the shouts and there she was, no teeth and white dog and all. In her free hand she held five razor handles. "Now these two I still use," she said, motioning towards some pink Schick handles (8), but these other three are just takin up space."
And there it was. A vintage Gillette Sensor razor handle! My heart skipped a beat.
"Can I have this one?" I asked her. "Sure, sure!" she answered.
I gingerly took the razor handle from her hand, expecting her to demand something of me. But she simply nodded and walked away. She didn't even give me time to thank her.
Well, if you are out there tonight somehow reading this; "Thank you lady with the Gillette Sensor handle. You've reaffirmed my faith in all that is right and good about this world. But I am still bleaching the hell out of that dusty old handle before it gets anywhere near my face."
The End
Footnotes:
(1) The spellcheck on my computer didn't recognize "Walgreens" but it did recognize "Gillette." Some lobbiests have been busy somewhere!
(2) There are some things that should always be bought at health food stores (bulk grains, organic produce, tofu, ect.) but there are some things that should always, ALWAYS be avoided (toilet paper, condoms, and razors).
(3)
(4) This is an old case of Miller High Life (also left over from my college days) where I keep all my toiletries. In true bohemian fashion it also functions as a mini coffee table for my bedroom.
(5) The Sensor Excel Mach 3 Fusion handles are not compatable with my ancient stash of Sensor cartrigdes.
(6) For half a millisecond, before she told me to wait in the Walgreens, I thought she was hitting on me.
(7) There were so many Halloween greeting cards. I never knew.
(8) I shuddered.
(5) The Sensor Excel Mach 3 Fusion handles are not compatable with my ancient stash of Sensor cartrigdes.
(6) For half a millisecond, before she told me to wait in the Walgreens, I thought she was hitting on me.
(7) There were so many Halloween greeting cards. I never knew.
(8) I shuddered.
Addendum: Do really need a new razor design? Shown below for your consideration is the complete evolution of the Gillette Sensor line. At the far left is the simple, humble, and effective Gillette Sensor. This is the Holy Grail of razors. Never before and never again. Next in line is the Gillette Sensor Excel. A B- in my opinion, prone to sudden breakage. Then on to the various Machs and Fusions until we arrive at the Gillette Sensor Excel Mach 3 Fusion at the far right (along with Glenn Beck), a perversion in chrome and orange of all that is right and good about this world.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
